my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
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Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
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I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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