I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
