i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The air was thick with penises
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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