Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize