so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
