i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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