You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
