i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
