My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
