We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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