no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
