Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
