we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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