That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
