if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
