Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
