jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
