hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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