i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
pop tarts are not kleenex
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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