she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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