Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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