It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
