he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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