I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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