My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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