The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
