i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
