just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I CAN MOONWALK!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
