i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
