I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
farters have to be the big spoon...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
