im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Semen is not good for contacts.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
