I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
