So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
