So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
