Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
