So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
