I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
wow bdsm is so cute
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