five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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