Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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