lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
