There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
