The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
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oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
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i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
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