my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He better not be in your backpack
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
