so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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