bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
