I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
