is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
