capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
