well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
