dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize