your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
