It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
