Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
