My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
