i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
