Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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