I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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