You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
