i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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