There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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