and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
