There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
