it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
