she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
ttyl tear gas
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
