Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
