The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she peed on how many people?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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