white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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