just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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