Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
